How Board Games Showed Me A New Way to Approach My Goals
If you’re anything like me or my clients, you’re a high achiever. You love attaining your goals, and you’re probably pretty good at it, too! But perhaps, you haven’t learned how to enjoy yourself on the way to achieving your goals. Well if that’s the case, keep reading, because I have some goodies for you, today!
Board games showed me how perfectionism was leaking into how I approach my goals.
The way that I play board games has changed dramatically since I met my husband. He’s made the experience ten times more fun, and he’s taught me so much!
HERE’S HOW BOARD GAMES USED TO GO IN OUR HOME:
Daniel would teach me the rules.
My response: I listen intently. I hold on tightly to every piece of information. My fear of missing something makes my brain cloudy. I don’t know where to focus my attention because all information feels crucial. My body tenses. I feel chaotic. I miss information because my brain is trying to hold all the new information at once and comprehend it immediately. I find myself losing my desire to play.
We start playing.
My response: I go slow. I take forever to make decisions. I’m terrified of making a mistake. Every decision feels crucial. I doubt myself like crazy. I ask my husband for advice, but I still feel uncertain. I feel hazy. I ask basic questions. Daniel asks if I was listening. Indeed, I was, but so intently that I couldn’t comprehend! I compare myself to him. If it looks like he’s winning, then I start feeling terrible about myself. I tell myself that I have to push through. I feel miserable. I wanna quit. I’m not having fun.
3 hours later…
I win or come in a close second.
But I don’t feel confident. And I didn’t enjoy myself at all.
ISN’T THE POINT OF GAMES TO HAVE FUN?
As I’ve been doubting myself and having a philosophical crisis, meanwhile my husband, Daniel, has been having the time of his life. (Well, up until, he was managing my anxiety around getting it right!)
Can anyone else relate?
I REALIZED THE WAY I WAS PLAYING BOARD GAMES WAS SHOWING UP IN OTHER PLACES OF MY LIFE….
Just to name a few, I realized that I was trying to “get it right” when it came to our family budget, my relationship with food, and even putting makeup on.
I would freeze up every time I went to budget, making it almost impossible for me to feel confident in regards to our money. After developing food sensitivities, I felt pressure to cook the healthiest possible thing so I wasn’t in pain. I also noticed that it was showing up when I’d put my make-up on. I felt like I totally missed this class in high school. Fearing that I wasn’t able to get it right has held me up from even trying for many years.
WHICH LED ME TO ASK SOME DEEP PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTIONS…
Is it possible to achieve the results I want (“Win the Game”) and have fun doing it along the way?
What is my husband doing differently that allows him to have so much fun in games no matter what -- even if he’s not winning!?
I started to pay special attention to my husband during the next few board games we played. I noticed how he was engrossed in the artwork, the special effects of cards, the different adventures and how much joy came from this. None of this had anything to do with getting it right!
In fact, because he was focused on exploration, he didn’t have the hard time I did in figuring out what was the “best next move.” Because he was asking himself, “What looks the most fun, interesting, intriguing to me? Where do I want to explore next?” It didn’t really matter which card he chose next, or which move he made because his goal was to enjoy himself.
Here’s where it got really interesting! I also noticed that because my husband was making quicker decisions, he learned what was working and what wasn’t faster. He was getting so much practice in!
You see, when you focus on asking yourself questions, being curious, and just showing up, you’re able to learn a lot more and you’re willing to get a lot more uncomfortable in the process because you’re having fun!
THE BIG SHIFT
Armed with this new way of approaching challenges, I took on a tournament, the Coaching Adventure Games.
When I was first invited to the games, it was an automatic heck yes for me. Here is how the games were introduced. “Come join us for the Coaching Adventure Games. You’ll have fun, make friends, and grow your business.” This was the first reminder to set my goal centered around play, so I set my focus on making new friends, having fun, and growing my business. This was the BIG SHIFT for me.
My thought in my brain wasn’t, “I have to win this. I need to know all the rules to play.” So I didn’t feel the pressure that I’ve felt in the past with some of my goals.
Instead my thoughts were, “I can’t wait to meet new coach friends! I can’t wait to become a better coach! This is for sure going to grow my business. I can’t wait!”
My focus wasn’t on winning, or on accomplishments. My focus was on exploration.
Because my focus transitioned from winning to curiosity, it allowed me the mental power to actually win the games. I didn’t feel hazy or confused. I was willing to get uncomfortable and make mistakes. Every time I engaged in a challenge and got messy in the process, I learned! So when week 3 of the challenge commenced, and I was in 4th place, I knew exactly what I needed to do to bring it home. I had made tight friendships that helped me get over my fears of not getting it right, so I felt confident.
Which led me to forming new relationships that are some of my best buddies today, becoming a better coach and human being, and growing my business (I got inspired and ended up creating a workshop)! Oh, and did I mention that I won? And I HAD A BLAST!
So next time you decide to sit down to play a board game or tackle one of your goals, remember the power of curiosity on your way to mastery.
HERE’S WHAT I’D RECOMMEND:
1. Start with setting the intention to enjoy yourself. Afterall, your goals are supposed to be for you, right?
2. Experiment. Have fun and just try things! Remember, there’s no wrong answer when you are growing! Just choose something that seems like a good decision. It doesn’t have to be the best.
3. Then, make sure to ask yourself questions along the way. “What excites me? What intrigues me here? How could this be better? What if I….?”
4. Explore the areas that look intriguing. Test your ideas of how things could be better.
5. Repeat!
Learning this simple transition from winning to curiosity, you’ll find yourself crushing your goals while having the time of your life! Goodbye, pressure! Hello, freedom!
